Now let me get this straight...some soccer moms are cool. Like me. Heh.I'm like the AntiSoccer mom. For the last few years my sons have played soccer. I'm always the mom the other moms don't talk to. It's probably my fault. I'm not the most social person. Or on time. Or very mom-ish. I don't really like kids. Don't get me wrong, I love mine. It is just everyone else's that I don't like. Well, unless I know you and your kiddos and then I can tolerate them...until they do some crazy shit.
Anyways, at first I didn't understand being shunned by the other moms. I went through the whole "why don't the like me!?" phase a few years ago and my own mother pointed out that i'm not really the friendliest of sorts sometimes. Then I realized the following....
1. I don't really make every practice or game, so the other moms are probably confused as to who I actually am.
2. I'm always late. Like shove-the-kid-out-the-cat-door-oh-shit-the-game-is-about-to-start-shoes-untied-RUN-RUN kind of late.
3. I'm not asked to bring snacks. Last time I was, I brought donuts. To a 7pm game. The kids were ecstatic. Other parents, not so much.
4. I don't know the other kids on the team. If I did, I would have realized that there are a set of twins on the team and I never even knew it. Probably cause they look alike and all, but still. Freaky identical twins are always fun to stare at and had I known they were there, I would've had plenty of starting time!
5. I like days that practice/games get rained out.Oh darn, we have to go home. hee hee hee
6. I send my kid to team photos in a dirty jersey. Here's photographic evidence:
8. I don't know my child's jersey number. I can barely remember to wash the darn thing. Black and yellow are their colors this year and I know what my kid looks like. Well, there was that one time a similar looking white kid with blondish hair was playing that I thought was mine, but whatever, they all run in a pack.
9. I want to teach my kid some roller derby blocking moves. I'm certain this could be very helpful on the field.
10. I really don't like annoying kids. Here's an actual coversation tonight with some random kid from the soccer team:
random kid "can I have some money"
random kid "but my sister wants to play a game"
me "ok, so go ask your own mom"
random kid "she doesn't have any money"
me "too bad for you then"
11. I often wear weird things like zombie chicken hats and workout clothes with mismatched funky socks.
12. I will stare down (or say something but that is rare) to your kid for a variety of reasons. Being rude, being a bully, not listening to the coach, trying to sit on my lap. Refer back to me not really liking kids unless I know them.
13. I'm not mom-ish. Really...could you REALLY see me at those mom get togethers? I tried it once. They were all "let's sit in a circle and clap our babies hands" and i'm all "can't we just let them play and talk about adult stuff!?" Bah!
14. I judge them as much as they probably judge me. Gah, it is like high school all over again.
I know there are more AntiSoccer moms out there. We must find them. We must unite. We'll probably just procrastinate and never meet, BUT it is the thought that counts. Right!?
Moral of the story is, I know my deficiencies. I could change, but I know that I won't. I'm cool with being "that mom" and I will continue NOT having to bring snacks and all that great stuff. :)